So You Think You Have Started a Cult:
What To Do Next?
If we may interrupt you from the worshipping session and declaration of your name being one with God or Gods? Then we at Cult 101 would like to begin to warn you of the major pitfalls, provide advice and anything else you will need in the day to day runnings of your cult.
Firstly this leaflet is for those who obviously have gathered enough mindless fools and though we at Cult 101 talk about Religion often we can't accept everyone. Recently we had to remove Scientology from the roster due to it's overwhelming popularity as is Mormonism.
We at Cult 101 believe a Cult can't be too big and prefer a group of say round about 5000, anymore and well the cult has reached the zenith and achieved Religion status.
So, for sake of simplicity we shall lay out the rules for those reading this and thinking, ?My this does seem like a nifty idea, I think I will go do this.?
Rule 1: The most important thing to remember is this, a cult can worship anything from a banana to the mighty Idol Zagmado as long as people are ready to give their life, metaphorically of course. (See sacrifices for more information on this.) If they believe in the cause then they will throw down and declare their possessions void.
Rule 2: If you are oratory wizard or someone who can woo a crowd, you can skip this rule as this only concerns those who are unable to talk a girl's knickers off, let alone talk a crowd into absolute obedience. Take lessons in Leadership and Oratory Speaking, as these will come into importance a lot during your lifelong reign; I hope that's clear we at Cult 101 will not suffer fools if you waste our time we will close your Swiss Bank Accounts and upstage you. For those who are willing to work, we provide the necessary courses:
Jim Jones: ?I got into contact with Cult 101 and soon I had people believing a phoney religion, it was glorious.?
As you can see we aim to please, so if you got any questions concerning Rule 2, feel free to contact us number below.
Rule 3: As you may understand if your subjects are connected to anyone, then those connections must either be severed or those friends or family must accept the cult. We at Cults 101 know this and so we will offer you training from PR Staff and Advertisement Agency. The goal being you will learn how to pitch your cult and make it seem interesting even to the most non-spiritual nihilist. In no time you will have gathered support and sold them on this idea that your cult is better than say the cult next door.
As we at Cults 101 say, ?It's a cult eat cult world out there.? only the fittest will survive.
Rule 4: I am sure you are well aware of the fact that being a leader of cult will profoundly increase your sexual prowess, for to them you are the avatar of God or Gods thus people would see intercourse with you male or female, as the most holy experience. As this is common in our experience we provide a five day safe sex course so you can remember that an unhealthy leader weakens the cult and well I doubt if you have STIs or STDs you will be as worshipped. This is why we put this rule down.
Rule 5: This is one of the most important and it's how many cults failed in the past, well this is what our studies suggest. Stay fantastic, stay enigmatic, stay unknown and stay amazing. To clarify if you act human then people will begin to grow suspicious it's well worth remembering that once you stop appearing like an immortal your cult may survive but there more dangers of your cult being taken over.
Advice Concerning Running a Cult
1. Firstly don't murder them all, since your cult obeys all your commands and thus if you kill them you lose willing people.
2. They must be willing to give everything even their most prized possession an ideal example of this is Dalton Seymore he got a guy to give his glass eye to prove the person support to the cult.
3. Start small and don't expect to have a thousand worthless fools obeying you early on, build it up gradually.
4. Cults can be a family thing, but it's in our experience that running one solo is less hassle.
5. Remember no matter how insane it appears as long as you provide some context and weave a great story, then anything can be believed.
6. Lastly bribing the authorities and other lawful individuals will be necessary in the long run. And if worse comes to the worse, let's just hope you live in High Murder Capital, if you get the drift?
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